My Wife is Pretty Funny...in Four Parts

Part I

So I'm all jazzed up about my new iPhone, and came across this app called Errands or something like that. It's pretty self-explanatory, and so I emailed my Target shopping list to Michelle. She replies with "Fancy." Pretty sure she's being sarcastic.

Then when I get home, I hand my phone to her, and she proceeds to type out her own errand for me to do. It's titled, "Make Michelle Happy," and it goes like this:

Coffee
She can quit her job
Stay home with Murray
Spend lots of money on whatever she wants
Buy her a Range Rover
Hardwood floors
Re-do kitchen
Take her to Hawaii

Priority: Urgent

Part II

She then knocks over the ironing board in the office, which I left open, and then when I try to close it up, and it won't close.

Joe: You broke the ironing board! (angrily)

Michelle: Oh good, you can add it to your list! (cheerfully)

Part III

I'm sitting in traffic at a light, and this blond lady wielding a Blackberry comes flying out of a parking lot, and wedges herself right in front of us, wanting to pull out before we can move. I'm more of a timid driver than Michelle is. When I'm in the passenger seat, I sometimes resemble this guy.


Ok, I'm being dramatic. Michelle is actually one of the best drivers I know. But she's a bit more aggressive than I am. Well when she sees Blondie, she comes out with something like this:

"I would not have let her in if I were driving. If she doesn't move quick enough to my liking, I want you to beep at her."

Part IV

We're driving through the Stop & Shop parking lot, when I spot a juiced up tan man in a wife beater and tattoos all over his arms. He may or may not have had a blowout. Upon seeing this, Michelle says:

"I really wish I knew how to whistle."