Thanksgiving Weekend

I took a chance and made a Thanksgiving side dish which I have never made before. Normally I don't like to make something for people if I haven't tried making it for myself. But when I saw this on Tyler's Ultimate Thanksgiving, I knew I would love it.

Whipped Sweet Potatoes with Bananas and Honey

It's a bit unconventional, but I love sweet potatoes, I love bananas, and then the whole thing is covered with brown sugar, butter, and pecans. I feel like it's a no-lose situation. Although the recipe calls for 4 bananas...use one, trust me. One was plenty of banana. But the crumble on top was worth it alone. I even have used it for the days-after-Thanksgiving turkey sandwich. This recipe will be back.

On Thanksgiving night, we traveled down the Cape and spent Thursday night through Sunday morning down there. I love Cape Cod in the winter time. Whenever I go to the beaches in the winter to walk, look around, or run the dogs, I feel like I'm doing something I'm not supposed to do. Maybe this makes it better. Everything seems more crisp and clear than it does in the summer.

Since there's not a whole lot going on down there in the winter, we rented some serious movies. We rented Four Christmases (with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, pretty funny), Year One (terrible), The Ugly Truth (chick flick, not bad), 17 Again (Zack Efron, terrible), and Funny People (Adam Sandler, funny and depressing, and about 45 minutes too long).

There was a line in The Ugly Truth which was really funny.

Guy: Did you hear what I just said? I said I loved you.

Chick: Really, you love me? Why?

Guy: Beats the shit out of me.

Joe (in real life, to Meeche): Hey honey, that's how I feel about you.

Meeche: Aww, thanks. That's sweet.

Then when we took the dogs to the park to do some running, Murray had more bathroom problems. If this dog had to wear pants, he would get his thing caught in his zipper on a regular basis. First, he tried to pee on another dog, again, and inadvertently almost peed on a guy. Luckily the guy was understanding. Dog people understand this behavior. I think maybe how parents of human kids understand and sympathize with other parents when the kids are out of their minds.

Murray also likes to smell and lick Lilly's urine after she goes. If they're close to each other after Lilly pees, Murray will drag, drag me over to the puddle to get a good whiff and a lick, and then he feels better. Not only this, but he also likes to run underneath Lilly when she's making a number 2. Well this time at the dog park, Murray was so close to her while she was doing her business, I think he actually got dumped on.

We're so proud of our little man.

BJ's, Super Mario, and Some Trouble at Dunkin Donuts

This past weekend, Michelle and I did some warehouse club shopping. We had our usual fun at our local BJ's in Framingham. Some things are not great bargains at these big box stores. Sometimes things are more expensive, actually, and you don't always need a 3 gallon tub of pickles. But we go for the meat. We bought 3 london broils for $13.01. 12 pre-packaged chicken breasts for $17.40. 2 whole chickens for $8.78.

A gallon of milk was $1.96!

Ok, I've calmed down. It's friggen milk, Joe, relax. But seriously, that's a deal.

Then when we were splitting up the meat and putting it in freezer bags and saran wrap for future meals, Michelle looks at me and says, "How many people our age do this?"

Not too many I know, personally. We're old souls. We're wise shoppers. We're sophisticated. Or we're losers. Could very well be the last one.

Later that night, Michelle and her mom went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping, so I stayed back. I was bored, had no computer to waste time on, so I flipped on Super Nintendo. Which brought back too many memories. I realized I could still remember every level I played on Super Mario Bros. Which, by the way, could be the best Mario of them all. Although you can make a strong case for Super Mario 3 for regular old, blow-in-the-cartridge Nintendo, and also for Mario 64 for Nintendo 64. I felt proud that I could recall when each bad guy was approaching and that I remembered which tubes to go down. But it was also a little upsetting. How many times did I play this game that I remembered it so well?

About an hour in, I realized it was obviously not enough times, because I had a ball.

Remember how great it was to get a mushroom when you were small? And you grew to be twice your size?

Which got me thinking about being 5'6" and a half again. Even this video game is telling me that I'm too short. Or that being short sucks. And that you need to be tall to be able to walk into a ghost and not die. If you're short and you walk into the same ghost? You're dead, my friends. Why not give him a different colored shirt? Let's say you're normally red, then if you're blue, it gives you extra protection. But then that's racist. I guess being short works. Bastards. I'm not bitter.

On the way home that same night, we stopped at Dunkin Donuts to grab a latte. It's a drive thru, and I pull up to the box and say, "Can I please have a medium hot latte with skim milk?"

::Long pause::

Then the box says back to me:

"That's a medium hot coffee with extra skim milk and 2 splendas?"

Elf Yourself

Office Max has had this thing on their website for a few years now. If you haven't seen it, I recommend you Elf Yourself. It's a blasty blast. Here is Michelle's rendition of our little family as a trio of elves. Thanks for the flattering picture, Meeche.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

How to Make a Latte

One common theme in my life lately, in case you haven't noticed, is that I am in the business of saving money. Since lattes cost about $4 at Starbucks and most other places I see, we've resorted to making them at home. And when I say we, I mean me. I am the house barista. The problem with doing something well, however, is that it then becomes your primary job to do it. Every time. What the hell?

A couple years ago, we bought a Bialetti 6 cup Moka Express.

It goes for about $25 on amazon.com. We also bought a milk frother. It's not a milk steamer, but it does the job.

This guy goes for about $15 on amazon.com. So if you're doing the math at home, that's roughly $40 - $50 for the equipment once shipping is added in. At $4 per latte at a cafe, you'd only get around a dozen lattes for this price. At the rate I'm whipping these things up, I figure Michelle owes me about $564 by now. (That's 141 lattes. I've been studying for the GMAT lately, so the math is flowing).

We tried buying espresso beans the first time we started making lattes 2 years ago, but the espresso coffee makes some serious hair-on-your-chest lattes. We stick to the standard coffee beans. I recommend it this way.

So to make the latte (Meeche, pay attention, I'm basically talking to you right now), you unscrew the top of the coffee maker from the bottom. Remove the metal filter basket. Fill the bottom portion of the contraption with water, up to the little screw thingy that sticks out the side. Then fill the filter basket with ground coffee beans to a level where the grounds poke out over the top of the basket just a bit. Place the basket back into the bottom portion. Screw on the top half. Heat on the stove until all the water magically transplants itself into the top half, and now resembles coffee.

In the meantime, heat up some milk in a glass (fill the glass halfway) in the microwave for 75 seconds. 60 is not enough, 90 is too much. 75 is perfect. When the milk is done, use the vibrat- uh, I mean, milk frother thing to froth the crap out of your milk.

Pour a small amount of the coffee into a mug, about the size of an espresso shot. Ok, ok, about the amount of a shot glass. I think that's easier to remember. Pour some milk into the mug. Use about 2 or 3 vodka shots worth. Scoop some foam on top to help keep it warm, and make it pretty. Serve to your significant other with a smile.

Ensure that the smile is NOT sarcastic.

Marriage is Like Everybody Loves Raymond

I don't really feel this way. It's just when I see scenes like this, there are obviously funny parallels.

Aaaand...it's story time.

A couple weeks ago at about 10:30 PM, we were getting ready to go to bed. I was exhausted, and was more than ready to go to sleep. Michelle, on the other hand, was not. She wanted to watch The Good Wife, a new show we’ve been watching.

Meeche: Do you want to watch The Good Wife?

Joe: Not really, I’m tired as hell.

Meeche: Well I’m not.

Joe: Ugh, do you want to just watch it then?

Meeche: No, it’s fine.

Joe: We can.

Meeche: No, just forget it.

Joe: (Thinking really hard) Ok.

Meeche: (Walks away)

Oh boy.

40 minutes later, lying in bed, both still awake.

Meeche: You know, we could have watched the show by now.

Joe: I said we could have watched it.

Meeche: If you really wanted to watch it, you would have put it on in the first place.

Joe: (Still thinking, to no avail)

Now I like to think of this as a teaching point. I feel like writing these things down and thinking about them…still…that maybe I’ll figure out how to avoid these situations in the future. I’m trying here. At some point in this lifetime, I will figure it out.

But there is another thing going on here, and I think the two are related. Another one of my problems, besides not getting hints, is that I don’t hear things that Michelle says to me. I don’t intentionally not listen. We’re having a full blown conversation, and we’re both saying things back and forth, and then when I ask Michelle something later in the day, she says she already told me the answer. And she’s mad.

I think that I would have remembered her telling me something. Not only do I not remember her telling me this in the first place, but I don’t even remember asking the question. I have a serious problem on my hands. Either I’m crazy, she thinks she told me something and she’s crazy, or I have severe memory loss at 25.

As much as it sucks to fight over stupid crap, this is my attempt to laugh at it later.

Too soon, Meeche?

Sitcom Stamp of Approval

Since I've been stowed away at home for the last few months due to financial paralysis, I've been watching a lot of television. My DVR is burning up. I absolutely love coming home from work, and checking the DVR for what I "missed" last night on standard TV scheduling. I have been keeping up with my old favorites, such as The Office, Two and a Half Men, and Gary Unmarried. I have also developed new love for some comedy shows which are making it to the can't miss, have to watch, will call Comcast and swear at customer service if the DVR doesn't record this show correctly status.

Parks and Recreation. I started watching the show last year because it was pushed so heavily on NBC that I felt like I was a trader to the station if I didn't tune in. At first, I didn't like it. At all. It was The Office wannabe. It had the same type of characters, the same concept (mock documentary), and the same filming style. Then something happened this year that I can't really pin point as to the reason why I love it so much. The only thing I can come up with, is that even though it is so similar to The Office in its structure, it still has a great cast of characters to pull off the show in its own right.

Ron Swanson line #1: So you talked to my ex-wife? What was it like to look into the devil's butthole?

Ron Swanson line #2: Every time she laughs, an angel dies.

Modern Family. This show hit me right away from the very first episode that it was going to be a hit. If this show doesn't make it to season 2, then I'm not sure I know anything about TV. I love the way the show started, where they showed each family separately, and then revealed that they were all related. I feel like the writers took some serious care, and came up with something a bit different from every other comedy show. Ed O'Neill (Al Bundy) is back, and I can't be happier. The gay couple is hysterical. I really can't say anything bad about it. Instant classic.

I used to watch Married With Children when it was on TV, and it was one of my favorite shows. I also think I was the only one of my friends who was allowed to watch it, which maybe made me love it more. Even though Ed O'Neill is just one of the actors who make up this show, he is so far from being Al Bundy, being miserable selling women's shoes. He's actually rich and is married to a young, hot wife. Who doesn't hate him.

Cougar Town. This show, after one episode, fell under the "Might Suck" category. Somehow, it has made it so far out of that category, that I'm almost embarrassed to tell it to the Internet. Almost, but not quite, because it is damn good. It's moved away from focusing on Courtney Cox's aging body, and developed her friends and relatives into a semi-dysfunctional family. Her ex-husband used to be the man in high school, reached his peak potential at 18, and is living in a boat in a parking lot. Much of the comedy stems out of this scenario, and it works. Perhaps because we all know people where this happened to them, or are witnessing this happening currently to someone else. But to watch it happen to a fake person on TV is just funny.

If you haven't watched any of these shows and you're complaining that "There is NOTHING on TV," I suggest to you go to NBC.com or ABC.com or Hulu.com or iTunes, or whatever your choice of internet TV is, and enjoy. If you want to escape and watch some funny shows, it will be worth the 20-25 minutes per episode. You have Joe's Sitcom Stamp of Approval.

Rants and complaints, then something funny

I've hit the real world, hard. I remember watching the Real World on MTV, and I used to say...Make them get jobs, then see what the real world is all about. I was in high school when I said that. If you asked Joe now? Let them live there for free. Good lord, what was I thinking, being all high and mighty? I had no idea what I was talking about. Let the kids live there and do nothing, what do I care? I wish someone would let me live in a sick house for free and start getting real.

I'm going to say that this could turn into a ranting post.

One thing that I figured out somewhere around my freshman year in college, is that there are always going to be people who bug the shit out of you. From the time you're in kindergarten and there's a kid swiping your blue crayon to when you're at work and there's a guy who likes to throw his food in your trash bin, it just never ends. I haven't figured how to avoid these people all together, but I'm still young. If someone's hanging around your cube too long and you don't know how to get them to leave? Try telling them you were just on the way to the kitchen/bathroom/copy machine and you can walk and talk. The chances are good that you'll lose them somewhere along the way. The bathroom one works really well with members of the opposite sex.

When someone tells you that you should buy a house while the market's good for buyers, mortgages still hurt. To say that I owe some institution hundreds of thousands of dollars over the course of the next thirty years of my life is daunting. It's like trying to envision a million people in one place. Or thinking about how sound doesn't travel in outer space. Just pay the bill and keep plugging away. Right now? Renting sounds amazing. Yeah, I'm building equity, that's terrific. But I miss having a more active social life and eating food prepared by a restaurant. It's going to get easier? We'll see. We haven't given up hope yet.

Grown ups are wicked judgmental. I thought kids were bad. I think those same people who were so brutally honest back then have gotten much worse as contributing members of society. Keep it to yourself. Don't tell me why I'm doing something wrong and why your way is best. If I want your opinion, I'll ask for it. I hate when people tell me that this is the way it is. No it's not. That's your way that it is.

Ok, last one. This is not so much something that pisses me off, because I like it at the same time. The one-upper. I like the one-uppers when I'm in the right mood, because I can play the game, too. It's fun to see them struggle to come up with something better. It starts off very innocently, where you're both exchanging stories about your weekend, and then before you know it, you're hearing a story about their best friend from college who did that same road trip, but they did it in 6 hours instead of 12, and met Vince Vaughn when they got there, and oh my God, it was so funny. Yeah, thanks for crapping on my story.

Now that I got all that out of the way, check this kid out. If you've seen it, watch it again. If not, you'll love it.

Mmm, I Love Delicious Fish Oil Pills

After shrinking half an inch at the doctor's office last week, I also found out I have high triglycerides. How high could my triglycerides be at 25? Well the healthy range, apparently, is under 200, but ideally, they say to remain below 150.

I'm at 373.

Which, I understand, is too high. Too high for anyone, let alone someone my age. What's going to happen in the future? My mother-in-law told Michelle to take out a good life insurance policy on me. She was kidding (I think), but seriously, this is not good. I've been told I need to exercise more. Which at my current pace of zero times per week, I think I can manage to do something. Maybe in the spring. It's getting cold outside.

I've also been instructed to change my diet to more triglyceride friendly foods. I've done extensive peer-reviewed research in medical journals, meaning I googled high triglycerides, and there are a lot of things I shouldn't eat. White flour (bread, pasta, rice or my favorite food group), eggs (my weekend breakfast), sugar (my morning coffee), cheese (everything but my morning coffee), butter (every good recipe ever), and anything else delicious which I eat on a regular basis. Which leaves me eating fruit, vegetables, and wheat flour.

Holy crap, the fiber.

My body is not used to these levels of fiber. This has to be unhealthy. The best is when I read a package label, and it lists say, oh, 6 grams of fiber. Then below that, it list 4 grams of insoluble fiber. To me, that phrase just sounds unhealthy. This special kind of fiber, which the food processor feels necessary to list on the ingredients as a different kind of fiber than the traditional, is not soluble. I'm not sure what soluble means. I think it has something to do with being absorbed by, or into water, but whatever soluble means, there's another definition listed on dictionary.com. Extreme intestinal pain.

On top of my new exercise regimen (starting in March, er, April) and my new diet, I am now the proud owner of a bottle of fish oil pills. Michelle was so happy when she came home from Target with a nice big bottle of fish oil pills. I was happy to have a wife kind enough to care about my health and buy these types of things for me. She was even happier, however, when she told me she didn't buy the kind which are flavorless, because they cost more. I guess I'll settle for the non-flavorless kind. Sounds yum. This melted down oil of sardines and anchovies turned into a pill form must be taken 2 to 3 times per day with food. Supposedly it can help lower triglyceride levels. I'm guessing they suggest eating it with fiber. At least I hope so, because that's what I do with them.